New Week

OK tried to get back on course with my weight watchers points today, I have used them all up grazing on rubbish. Did a blood sugar test for the first time in ages and it is very high. Conclusion is that new meds have not kicked in or started working yet. So, this is the reason for my mega tiredness over the last week. I am not munching that many carbs or sugary stuff but body is not doing it should and I very insulin resistant at the moment. How on earth can I lose weight with this happening?
Any way, I am promising myself that I will go swimming tomorrow no matter how tired and bad I feel. I read somewhere excercise helps with insulin and blood sugar build up. Plus, I must make a effort to drink more water.

Mood Rating Today: -2.0 (so far)

Really worn and out and very tired

The title says it all, I am really struggling now after all that activity last week, perhaps I over did it a bit. Going to try and go back swimming tomorrow morning if I can keep awake after getting out of bed that is. Also, went way over my points yesterday for the first time since starting weight watchers.
It was our monthly meeting of our bipolar self help group last night, so was out of sinc. for meal times. Plus went to the local pub for a diet coke and single voddy, only one point thank goodness. Found the meeting to be a bit hard going, could hardly string an intelligent sentence together at all.
Groceries arrived after 10 0'clock last night as the van broke down, at least we got the code for a £10 e-voucher from Tesco as an apology.

Mood Today: -1.5

Brief Blog

Just a brief blog today as I haven't much to say. I am feeling tired and worn out so not swimmimg today. Also, Ian is staying at work over lunch so I can meet a friend for a drink before our self help group starts at 6 p.m. It's an important meeting as we are discussing the long term future of the group as our funding runs out at the end of September.

Mood Rating: -1.0

Disappointed

Only lost 0.5ld at 2nd weigh in, must try harder to avoid junky food and eat more healthily.OK I pointed the rubbish but maybe this is a wake up call not to eat it in the first place.
Not swimming again today, too tired plus needed my sleep more this morning. If the rain stops I might go for a walk around the block a few times instead, wearing my pedometer to see how I do.
I am hoping also new diabetes med starts kicking in soon and blood sugars are more under control to stop me feeling hungry or having sugar munchies. Also, really really want to see my psychiatrist as soon as possible to change my anti-psychotic, it is no good me fighting a losing battle against Quetiapine.

Mood Rating Today: -0.5 (so far)

Rest Day and 2nd Weigh In

Giving my body a day off today after swimming 4 days in a row. Feel much better for it but don't want to sicken myself of going. Any way pleased with my effort so far, sure excercise will fall by wayside a bit during kids summer holidays as I will tied in house whilst daughter plays outside with her g/f's. I think I have to invest in a decent excercise dvd, might try to find one in the library.
It's school sports day this afternoon, memories of past ones include the chairs that are put out for parents, the grass was sodden so when I sat down in one the legs sank in at different angles, so I moved another one! The ice cream van will be there so I must resist or buy a mini milk for 0.5 points.
It is my second weigh in tonight, I've been using up all my points but on rubbish foods, penguins quavers and mini weight watchers chocolate ice creams. I am going to find it tough if and when my points total allowance goes down. I know I've lost some weight on home scales but this might not be the case on official scales tonight.

Mood Rating Now: +1.5

Marvellous it's Monday

Feeling good today Spain won the Football World Cup last night beating Holland 1 - 0 in the last 5 minutes of extra time. So pleased, the right team won, inspite of many suspect refereeing decisions. Shame we were not at my brother's house near Hull, but it's too far away and our daughter would have missed a day at school (not allowed these days.) My heart was beating very fast in my chest for the last 15 minutes so it had a good work out....lol...
Went swimming again today, still not able to totally relax, too much going on for that right now. The 30 minutes was easier today, sure I averaged 1 length (25metres ) every minute in the pool.
Also, saw female GP, stool sample tests didn't show anything abnormal to be concerned about. The conclusion is that it was the Metformin/Glucophage XL (slow release type) that was most likely responsible for all the stomach and bowel upsets I have been having for the last 6 months.
I am now taking 80mg of Gliclazide 2 times a day instead, starting today. I really hope this gets blood sugars sorted and helps with the insulin resistence, this will help a great deal with my attempt to lose weight.

Mood Today: +2

Strange Sunday: Strolling and Strapless

Strange happenings today, I just ordered 2 multi way/ strapless bras from amazon! I remember way back when we first registered amazon was just an online bookstore, now you can buy almost anything on it. It is like the whole world is converging on one store Amazon, one social networking site Facebook, one auction site eBay, one search engine Google and one Blog Spot by Google again. The idea that the internet was supposed to open up free markets and encourage freedom and be levelling seems strange in the light of how closed in it has become.
Any way less of the pondering and seriousness, hoping to go for a stroll along the prom this afternoon, up to now looks like a lovely day for it. We are lucky to have the sea 5 minutes drive from our front door and beautiful Northumberland on our doorstep too. It's a shame fuel for the car is so expensive or we would be taking advantage of it a lot more than we currently do.
Back to this afternoon will be having a 99 with one flake, I am sure this is only 1 point according to Daily Mail stats yesterday. Must make sure I copy the stats into the back of my diary so I have them on hand during our holiday in 3 weeks time.

Mood Today: +2 (so far)

Swimming on a Saturday? Whatever next?

Been swimming again this morning and it was ok inspite of it being the weekend. They had 2 lanes for folks to swim up and down in and the rest of the big pool for families and younger kids. Swam for 30 minutes, but didn't manage to clear my head and relax today. I am still in a cranky mood after yesterday. Not going to say much in my blog as it is not private enough to discuss what upset me. However, I will say that is another lesson learnt the hard way.
Also, we had high drama a few miles down the road with the Raoul Moat situation kicking off. We were watching BBC News 24 Live when it all started at around 7 o'clock last night. The police did a good job managing the situation but not sure about the news teams covering it and invading people's privacy ie. talking to a distressed old lady trapped by the siege via her extremely anxious daughter's mobile phone.
Rothbury is a beautiful village and Cragside Estate is worth a visit, especially from mid May to the beginning of June. Maybe, we will visit again once this dies down and the world media spotlight turns to another more current event.
Went on our home scaled today and it seems I've lost more 2lds already this week. All the swimming is paying off at last.

Mood Today: +1

CPN just been: she is lovely: my angel nurse

Lovely Heather just been, talked for 45 minutes. She caught me hoovering by arriving 15 minutes early, omg it's like cleaning before the cleaner comes.
She is going to contact my psychiatrist and ask for an emergency appointment (that means most likely a 2 week wait) to change me over from quetiapine (weight gain anti-psychotic) to abilify instead! Yipee, result!
Discussed weight gain, my attitude to meds, psychologist, house work (lol), going on holiday, weight watchers and school bullies (phew!) That was a lot of ground covered in 45 minutes, quality time with one of my favourite people.

Mood Rating Now: +3

Funny it's Friday already

I can't quite believe it's Friday today, were did the week go? Finally tired and lacking in motivation again today. My lovely community psychiatric nurse (CPN) is coming to see me at 11, tried to change appoointment but email message did not get through in time. This is one of the main problems/difficulties with my hearing loss that I can't contact people directly on the telephone. It's annoying and inconvenient relying on OH to do this for my all the time. It also robs me of my independence, making me so reliant on others to communicate with the outside world for me. I have my mobile from which I can text and receive calls from people I know well, also there is the internet, email, facebook, twitter and now blogspot! All these things are amazing, I am trying so hard to be positive and up beat about this, but to be honest it p*ss*s me off big time and makes me so depressed too. 75% of peolple with hearing loss suffer to varying degrees with clinical depression. It is my belief that these are the people who become deafened over their life time and not those who are born with profound deafness. Any way I have to learn to live around my hearing loss and adapt my life to fit how I am and not wallow in self pity, which is not productive or useful. I might do another blog just about my feelings on being severely deaf at another point, especially if I right down in the dumps about it.

Mood Rating Today: +1

New day: DVD day today and Reunion

Lacking motivation today after 2 days going swimming again. Muscles in shoulders and calfs a bit sore this morning, that is a good thing. Defiinitely doing "Blast off Belly Fat" DVD today instead. 10 minutes to see how I do, maybe more. Not going to push myself too hard and put myself off it. If I get that going I can do my Yoga DVD again too, no promises just a maybe.
Found Weight Watchers Chocolate Chip Cookies at 1 1/2 points in the local Spar, so I will be eating those when I get a chocolate munchie attack next time.
O/T was contacted today by my ex-music teacher from comprehensive/high school via Friends Reunited. She was so cool we called her Jackie, she left school the same year as us and may be coming to our Reunion next year as it's 30 years ago.
I am organising reunion well in advance and we have our own group on Facebook, Branksome Comprehensive - Class of '81 leavers. There are 20 members so far and it is looking good. Some folks are nervy about the class bullies, but I am sure it will be ok, they won't want to come as they probably guess they won't be made welcome. I was picked on for being plump, wearing glasses and being intelligent. Hey, it's their problem not mine.

Mood Rating Today: +2.5

Got up my courage and posted some photos

Ok, this is another break through, posting photos of big fat momma aka me! This is more than baby weight, I have no real excuse, bad eating habits for sure. My skin is terrible too, more fresh veg and sunshine will help I am sure. Gillian McKeith would love to get her hands on me!
Plus the top photo you can see in the background a picture of me when I was 19, on the welsh dresser top shelf, it's my brothers graduation. I was size 12 and 9 stone 9lds on that day. The dress was lovely pale mint green from Next in Ilkley, also backless number so could not wear a bra! We visited my great aunt the day we bought the dress, very intelligent woman, she lived until she was 90. Although she lived on lettuce, celery, cigarettes and camp coffee.

Pammie's Penguin Peril: midnight munchies!

Ok, confession time, I munched a penguin bar in bed last night post weigh in. I've had no chocolate for a full week so that is great for me.
Any way, went swimming again this morning repenting being so weak and feckless. 30 minutes breast stroke, not going fast as I need to build up slowly after months and months of not going. I love swimming, it clears my head.
At first I am thinking about all sorts of rubbish, you know about groceries or if my daughter is ok coming home from school alone, then my head becomes empty as I concentrate on just swimming. It's like that Nike ad in "What Women Want" : it's "just me and the pool" in my case! I feel empowered that I have done it, no matter what my size I've always gone swimming.
I used to swim up to 64 lengths of a 25metre pool, apparently that's a full mile. I swam when up to being 8 months pregnant with my daughter, until hospital pyshio said it was not good for your pelvic floor doing breast stroke that close to full term.
So, that is the plan, build up until I can swim for the full hour and then start counting the lengths. I have never thrown out a swimming costume I have got to big for, so the old ones are waiting in the drawer for a slimmer me to wear them again.

Mood Rating Today: +4

First Weigh In: a bit disappointed

Lost 2ld in a week, but I see so many who have lost 5/7lds in first week it's a bit disheartening. However, I am not on any medication for my type 2 diabetes at the moment plus still taking evil bipolar meds!
I am going to ask about Abilify on Friday when my CPN comes around to see me at home. I want to ditch Quetiapine for good, wish I could replace Sodium Valproate too but I have tried the best of the rest and it's the end of the road as far as mood stabilisers go.
Definitely going to try to excercise every day even if I feel dog tired with blood sugars rising until I get something different from my GP.
I had a blow out evening meal when I got in, feeling well stuffed. Weight Watchers Chicken Hot Pot, medium baked potato and half a plate full of no point vegetables (7 points for a huge plate full of food.)
I have 3 points left now, going to save up for if I go out at the weekend. OH is kicking up, saying I am not going etc etc. I should be getting out more and having a social life, I am only married not dead from the neck up.

Mood Rating Today: +1.5

First Weigh In tonight plus been swimming

Up early again, started the day with fromage frais and raspberries again. 2 hours more sleep on my sofa and I had my oatibix with skimmed milk. No reflux today. I think I have it sussed.
Tankini bottoms arrived from my online catalogue. What is that about having to order the top seperate from the bottoms? Been back on and ordered the tankini top. I was considering getting a size bigger but its an incentive to keep on track.
Also, another step forward went swimming for 30 minutes this morning. Really enjoyed it. Going again on Thursday all being well. I am thinking of giving the blast off belly fat dvd a go tomorrow. I will start with one 10 minute workout and see how I do.
It is my second Weight Watchers meeting tonight, my first weigh in since starting the plan. I had 1.5 points left over last night, I am sure 26 is too many. I have to be careful about my carb intake due to type 2 diabetes. Also, I am off Metformin and know my blood sugars are rising as I am starting to feel thirsty all the time again. I can't see my GP until next monday, I hope I can control things until then.

Mood Rating Today: +1

Post psycho-therapy

Discussed weight loss as part of my very last session. Psychologist said it was about me taking control of my life again and being more positive about myself. I have very low self esteem in part due to my huge weight gain over the last 15 + years. I can't even look at myself in mirror and avoid having my photo taken as much as possible. I am the person who is the photographer not the photographed. My OH takes the odd photo when I am not looking, these are the ones that will be part of my success story if and when I reach my goal weight of 10 stone 1ld.
Any way that is the end of psycho-therapy for at least 12 months when I will be re-assessed to see how I've done post-therapy. Psychology Services may suggest something else for me at that point should I need it.

Mood Rating Today: +0.5

second day of my blog

Up early again. 2 weetabix and some low fat fromage frais for breakfast. No soft fruit as it's gone off. Went back to sleep on sofa for 2 hours. Feeling nauseous and had a small amount of reflux.
Off to see psychologist for the last time today. Talked about weight and dieting the week before last. Hope I have the opportunity to discuss this further today and come up with a game plan to keep me on course for the longer term.
However, I think today will be just summing up the last 12 months and how I can move forward until my review in 6 months time.
I am hoping the support of WW community will help me stay on track with weight loss. And, as I open up about my mindset towards dieting, being obese and excercise.

Mood Rating Today: -0.5

First post

Started weight watchers last week. A major move for me as I have been a diet hater for as long as I can remember. Watching my mother and grandmother yo-yo diet with Weight Watchers all my life sure was off putting. However, there is no denying I need to lose weight, for the sake of my long term health. It is time to stop thinking in terms of it's diet and turn over a new leaf and think of it a new way of eating for life. It's complicated too, as I have type 2 diabetes now as well as being diagnosed as a manic depressive. The main problem with being "bipolar" for life is the medications you need to stay well, stay stable and most of all, stay out of psychiatric hospitals & wards. For the most part the medications do their job well, but you suffer from the unwanted and unuseful side effect of weight gain. It was confirmed by the chief pharmacist of my NHS trust that the medications I take alter your metabolic rate as well as increase appetite. I may be fighting a battle I cannot win, but I am going to try my utmost to succeed.

Mood Rating Today: - 1.0